If you believe half of what you see, one-third of what you hear, and a tenth of what your inner demons whisper to you in the lost hours of your own quiet desperation—then you probably already know that everything is bad for you—everyone, everything.

Well, sex isn’t bad for you. In fact, studies show that it’s good for you. But just because it’s good for you doesn’t mean that you know how to get it. Like that “bright elusive butterfly of love,” the more you chase it, the further it slips from your reach. Kind of like this metaphor, now that we think about it …

So why isn’t your sex life better? Is it because you’re buying into an outdated mindset? Or were you perhaps born under an unlucky sign of the zodiac? Is it being in the wrong place at the wrong time … or could it be that your deodorant doesn’t have the long-lasting quality that you assumed it would? Well, if it’s not, it’s probably due to one of the following factors. Pay heed. Take notes. Change your ways, or the combined furies of Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil will be visited upon you!