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The chipper quality of my voice in this message belied my intent for the call. A nearby Polish woman smiled at me while taking a drag on her cigarette. I smiled back at her, and descended into the subway for the last time in life, figuring that I would take whichever train came first. It happened to be headed south. I took the Tylenol PM first. I had no water, and was not ready for the vodka yet, so I chewed up the pills instead of swallowing them whole, causing my mouth and tongue to swell with a welcome numbness. I think I indulged a bit in the feeling of not being able to swallow without laboring.

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